Alas, I write again. Responding to the urge to explain my long absence, I’ll just give it to you straight. Duty rang. Spice duty. After a trip to India, the arsenals are stocked and I’m ready to season. The report is pending and will become available subsequently.
I write to you only in a short lull before the most serious assignment of them all. One part reconnaissance and one part active duty, I am plotting my plan of attack. I’m venturing into the motherland. Indeed, the home of buffalo sauce, potato skins, “bottomless” mimosas, and BIG GULPS. Not to mention the brave.
An opportunity has presented itself and I’ll be jet-setting to Hawaii for a quick trip. I’m taking it by storm. Anticipating a greedy frenzy, my moves may not be calculated, but, a heavy looting WILL take place. Scoff and call me Gaddafi, but this tyrant’s making it out alive. And with gummy worms.
As I sit here, the adrenaline surges at the thought of the bountiful supermarkets, and my tongue sweats at what I’ll soon devour. I make a vow to you, readers, and with you as my witnesses, I hold myself responsible to:
-Savor the statewide delights at every presentable opportunity
-Embrace the addition of a fourth “flex meal” to my daily consumption regimen
-Moan and groan only in earnest appreciation of the joy my mouth is experiencing rather than in detest of my stomach’s discomfort
Upon my return, the tactics will be analyzed, the gains will be archived, and I will be ready to file a synopsis. Commander of curry here, over and out.